Finding myself envious of Depression Era apple and pencil peddlers by virtue of their ability to afford bulk apples and pencils, I make this very sincere appeal to anybody who may see this: I badly need a job. If you know of any available employment, or are in any position to help me in securing any, I would be hugely appreciative if you would reach out to me.

Unless a person has experienced it firsthand, I feel that unemployment is often painted as some slacker fantasy, a life of waking up at 4PM, lighting a roach with a government check, and logging ten hours a week as a graffiti intern somewhere in there to appease Mom and Dad. For some, it might be just that. For those whose goals reach beyond “grow up to be Choo Choo from Top Cat” however, joblessness is disheartening and embarrassing.

I’ve been out of work for a year now, and from the outset have had real difficulty finding employment by way of the Idealist/Craigslist/General Internet job search machine. It’d be one thing were I going on interviews and walking away feeling “Well, I guess I just wasn’t the best candidate for that,” but increasingly I feel like I’m sending résumés to the moon. Taking my job search on foot hasn’t proved any more fruitful- walking around my neighborhood with résumés in hand these past few weeks it would seem that based on who is actively hiring, it would be in my best interest to learn how to thread eyebrows.

I don’t mean to portray myself as the Little Match Girl here. Everyone has their professional and financial struggles, and I’m lucky to have wonderful people in my life that provide more understanding and emotional support than I could ever hope to repay.

Still: If you know of any available employment, or are in any position to help me in securing any, I would be hugely appreciative if you’d reach out to me. No job is too small. I will do ANY work, and am available IMMEDIATELY. My email address is dan at amfmpm dot org.

Thanks worlds.

EDIT: I was recommended to include some nuts and bolts CV information in this post, so here goes: My most recent work was in Media Planning. (I have experience buying in both that sector and in produce/CPG.) I spent several years working in Office and Administrative services, from reception and mail room work to supply ordering and off-site file storage coordination. I’ve the requisite food service experience. I know basic HTML/CSS, am quick with MS Office, and can work with any OS. Additionally, I can lift heavy things. Thanks!